Ep 47: Trust Series - Building Unshakable Confidence in the Face of Judgment

Are you ready to dive deep into the heart of self-doubt and emerge with newfound self-trust?

In this empowering episode, Nikisha sheds light on how to anchor yourself with unwavering confidence. This journey isn't just about Nikisha's story; it's an open dialogue on battling the inner critic that questions our worth and fears judgment.

Three Takeaway Lessons:

1. Building Resilience Through Self-Trust: Discover how cultivating a deep sense of trust in yourself can become your greatest defense against external judgment and self-criticism.
2.  Learn about the importance of embracing your uniqueness and how it enhances your presence, whether you're speaking on a podcast, engaging with an online audience, or standing on a stage.
3. Practical Tools for Self-Acceptance: Nikisha shares actionable strategies, including journaling prompts and her AHA method, to help you journey towards self-trust and quiet the inner critic.

Don't let your journey end here! If you're inspired to start navigating the path toward self-trust with more confidence and less doubt, we invite you to dive deeper. 

Share your one-take away and subscribe for more insightful discussions. Remember, the key to unlocking your potential is within you—let's find it together.

How to Work with Nikisha (Your Certified Business & Life Coach):

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• Managing Work-Life Stress
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• Finding Fulfilment in Your Brand

Check out our content on Instagram > NK Focus Formula

Chapters

• 0:21 Trusting Yourself vs. Doubting Yourself
• 10:19 Building Self-Trusting Confidence and Resilience
• 18:38 Embracing Self-Acceptance and Trust
• 22:25 Conquer Self-Doubt and Overwhelm

Transcript

Nikisha King: 0:21

Welcome to Nikisha King Podcast, leading her way, where we see the human, evolving and resilient spirit in you. I'm your host, Nikisha, and on today's episode I'm going to be sharing with you how does not trusting yourself look like? Because in saying you don't trust yourself, I know, take it offensive, like what I love and trust myself. And it's normal reaction for people to hear something that they're not doing and they know they're not doing it deep down inside. And when they know that, subconsciously they get defensive and they respond. And it's okay to be defensive because it's just a way of you protecting yourself, because somewhere down the line, this was something you were always hearing and it made you feel insufficient or not seen. So, of course, if I tell you don't trust yourself and you're defensive and you don't like it, it's okay, it really is okay. I learned on my journey what not trusting myself look like, and when I wasn't trusting myself, I had no clue. But if someone told me that, omg, I would literally I don't know when I argue or debate, and this was, I feel, for me, my past, because I don't usually debate. Now I can look at someone and just enjoy what they're saying and I might not take it all personally, and there's still moments I do and it has to hit me deep. And in my past I wasn't that way. I would always not always but I would be in defense if someone spoke about maybe a certain part of my body or if they spoke about. No one really could speak about relationships for me because mine was always private. When I had it, it was my world. But that wasn't conscious. But I'm just. In my past I recall being defensive when I didn't feel like the person knew me or had the ability to say something and they were doing the same thing. I just got defensive period. How about that? But as time went by and being in this hindsight place, I am very aware of moments when I didn't trust me. So in today's episode I'm going to share what those moments are, to see if there's moments like this for you.

Nikisha King: 2:40

So my moments was doubting myself, and doubting ourselves is part of the process of growing right, and doubting myself meant if I had the opportunity to bid or do a proposal for one of my creative jobs and in doing this I didn't know if I can take on this amount of work. I didn't know if I can do the job the way it needs to be done, my uncertainty of the future getting it done right, and I don't know what right is. Doubting myself in that moment is me not trusting myself. And it's a weird situation to be in because, think about it, if I've been doing my job for 10 plus years and I doubt if I can do this job one, what makes this job different from all the other jobs I've done? Is it because it's at a higher price point? Is it because a quantity is higher than I've normally done? And in overall, looking at that, those small factors make me doubt my capability, and in the past I was recognizing that.

Nikisha King: 3:53

I was recognizing it when I would do things like back in the days I would be on I think it was called Thumbtack, a website. You would go and do a proposal and five will be presented to this potential client and they would choose, and normally they're choosing and choosing on price right. Who's the cheapest? Do they look like they're good enough at that cheap price point and it was a good place to go just to get traction and money, because at that point I was at a lower selling point. So it was more volume than quality right. More quantity than quality, and I would doubt if I can. Or I knew it was easy so I never doubted it. But what I would doubt is if I would get the proposal. So that would make me do things like a bit lower, give more right. It would make me kind of do things that I would get the job. But I didn't believe I could get the job at the rate I needed to survive. I would sell less, I would give more because I didn't know if I could do something or get the job. Not do something if I can get the job. So when I doubt myself it usually is the place of fear of being good enough for someone else.

Nikisha King: 5:14

In our last episode with Dene we were speaking about that. We were speaking about your nervousness when you have to show up to something, and this week my daughter and I had a conversation she had mentioned to me her teacher said that someone was performing one of her teachers and they were nervous and it was a great opportunity for me to share some insight on that. So I said, okay, why do you think your teacher was nervous? And she said, maybe because she had to speak in front of this whole stage or these people, and I said yes. And then I said are there moments when you're nervous? And I don't know if she answered. I don't know if we got deep into that, but I use an example.

Nikisha King: 5:55

When I get nervous, I get nervous because I have to speak to a group of people and I think that someone in this crowd is going to say that I'm not either speaking well, I'm not giving value in what I'm speaking about, or they might complain that it was a waste of time. So when I'm thinking these thoughts, when I'm presenting, when I'm speaking, when I'm on my podcast, when I'm on my Instagram live, if I'm thinking those thoughts, then I doubt myself. I doubt myself because I'm worried about the opinion of someone else when I had to do a job and the quantity or the price point was higher than my norm. I doubt myself because I'm thinking can I fulfill this person's expectation of me? When I doubt myself and I show up in a group of moms or I show up in a committee, and when I doubt myself, I'm worried. Will they think I'm worthy enough to be a part of their community or their committee? And that is where I don't trust me. That is when I'm doubting myself. And when I'm doubting it.

Nikisha King: 7:15

It's never because of me, it's because what I think someone's going to think of me, my response, my words, how I sound when I contribute or contribute that is the thing about trusting yourself. When you're finding yourself not trusting self, it's because you're questioning how you will present in front of everyone else. So that is one way I wanted to share with you, because we don't go that far in thinking about trusting ourselves. When we hear you're not trusting you, when we hear that you're questioning, overthinking, ruminating, doubting yourself, we can take that offensive. That's so disrespectful for you to tell me I don't trust myself. How could you say that I trust everything I do? That's that defensive voice. When you hear yourself going well, I trust me, I know I can do this. I'm amazing at this. That's where you have to load all the good stuff on top of the stuff that's deep down inside of you, questioning you. You have to pour on those positivity to mask that. This is not everyone.

Nikisha King: 8:38

Because, trust me, I don't like when people tell me I'm masking my feelings. I'm like I'm not. I don't think I am. Maybe subconsciously I am, but I'm not masking them consciously. I'm not trying to run away from my feelings. I want to sit with them. I want to process them, because sometimes I need to. Sometimes I don't. There's weekends I will watch TV, but I like it. I don't know, maybe it feels so good. I don't know if I'm running away from something and I can be. Can I be real with myself? I can. I try my best to be.

Nikisha King: 9:11

As I'm speaking to you, I'm thinking about it. But overall, when I'm thinking about not trusting myself, it's because I doubt what I'm capable of. And I don't want you to think I'm blaming others. I don't want to blame anyone else for my trust issues. But what I'm trying to tell you is the reason I tend not to trust myself is because how I'm thinking about other people's opinions of me, their opinions of me, and what I'm thinking about is what creates the trust issue. But it's not the other person. The person A, b and C has nothing to do with what I feel and what I think. It literally is just what I'm used to thinking. But it's my thought that creates those feelings of embarrassment, shame, not trusting, not worthy, not capable. But the person who I'm thinking will not like how I show up. It's thought it's not even a fact, because guess what? I didn't do the thing. I didn't get on stage yet I didn't speak.

Nikisha King: 10:19

I do my podcasts. I'm not speaking to all my listeners, so I wanted to share this with you because I want you to understand something I truly do. I want you to know when you're not trusting yourself, it's what you're thinking about, how other people perceive you, and I want us to work on that together, because building your family, building your business we consider it not easy, but there is nothing in life that's easy. Everything you have to work towards doing and being better at it. So, with that regard, what does it look like when we stop thinking about what others or how we can reframe it? How can we see it? Because I know there are moments for me where now I trust myself.

Nikisha King: 11:09

I trust myself when I show up on this podcast. I trust myself when I have a guest on this podcast. I trust myself when I'm doing my Instagram live and I have a guest, and these are people that I don't speak to on a regular, so I don't know them. These are people in that moment, I'm speaking to for the first time and I know it's gonna be a great interview. I know it's gonna be a great conversation. And the reason I know that is because I have come to this place where I trust myself, because I'm not thinking what they're going to think about me. I'm thinking this is gonna be so freaking good and we're gonna serve that one person who needs to hear this message. And when I think in that way, the energy I release, the understanding, the way I see myself, the way I show up, is completely different.

Nikisha King: 11:59

So when I am having an in-person engagement so in January I did an in-person engagement, peer-to-peer meeting I was in a room with my creatives and I was teaching about something called the red carpet experience and I did a series called that as well here, teaching people how to create a client journey that builds value, to get a quicker or faster conversion rate in their sales. When I was speaking about this and I had to get on stage in front of over 50 people and that may seem small to you because I've been doing speaking for a while, so it would be a room of 10 people, 20, 30, and it went 50, what is it? Maybe? Or yeah, it was like 70 or 80 people. It was more than I was used to. So you would think and I had to put a presentation together that my first presentation together. The other presentations one was freestyle, another one was for young ladies and Girl Scouts. So I did an advertising presentation and that was so fun because it was very interactive, but it wasn't a PowerPoint, you know what I mean like a whatever. I think it's PowerPoint, but a slideshow. There we go, slideshow.

Nikisha King: 13:09

When I had to do that, I had to figure out some processes, some ways, some methods. So in doing that and getting on that stage and speaking it, there wasn't a sweat in me, there was excitement. And the excitement was that when I got on stage there will be one person in this room who's going to hear my words and resonate really well with it. And let me tell you that was how I felt in all honesty, and I trusted me to be able to deliver the message to someone who needed it at that point, that moment, that time, because what they're doing in their journey, it helped add to their journey. So when I was thinking that, I wasn't thinking about criticism, but I was thinking about the possibilities of a shift in someone's life. So when I was thinking about that, I delivered exactly that. And when I delivered that at the end of a conversation. I was able to engage with people who received what they needed to from that conversation, from that presentation. They came up to me and they were like, oh my God, this was so good and everything you said. I resonated well and I want to add this to my system and they signed up for my red carpet experience. They signed up to get the information and get the documents or whatever they needed so that they can make their business better.

Nikisha King: 14:35

There are moments where I question the value of the work I give. There are moments where I go that one sheet page or two sheet might not be enough and I want to overwhelm them but guess what? They're not wanting things in the way that they process it in their time. In 2019, when I sat in a room of maybe 20 attendees for a webinar and I got the information that weekend, that information ignited me. We're now in 2024, I charge and get paid 15,000 and more in my business. It didn't happen overnight, but it was the ignition, it was the fire, it was the spark that got me to move and know that there was something better for me. It got me to the place where I can believe in my value when I show up and give the value to the planners I work with, and I've built this all on my own. I didn't have anyone to tell me what to do. I had coaches to help me clarify what I was going to do and then, after my time with them, I learned how to do things. I learned how to get really better. I'm a systematic human, so I love processes, so I built my systems and processes the way I could to make the experience better for the people I serve.

Nikisha King: 15:55

Listen, when we don't trust ourselves, it's always a question of the person. I'm giving something to the presentation I'm doing, the work I'm doing. I don't believe it's where it needs to be. I believe I'm going to be judged for it. Trusting yourself come from a place of judgment from others, and judgment from others looks very different. It looks different in you don't love me enough, you don't hug me enough, you don't kiss me enough. It can look different in regards to I can't do this job. It's too big, it's too small. I cannot go on stage because I'm scared they're going to think I'm the worst speaker. It's my first time. They're not going to like me. I can't show up on social media because they're going to judge my weight. They're going to judge my eyes. They're going to judge that pimple on my nose. They're going to judge my voice. They're going to judge my teeth. They're going to judge my lips. And when we think about people's opinion about us, sometimes that comes from a place because we're not happy with us and we don't love on us and we don't trust us. And that's where the work is.

Nikisha King: 17:04

When you learn how to see your beautiful complexities and appreciate everything about you, your trust will begin to build. Your trust for yourself gets deeper because your love for yourself gets deeper when you learn that, that lisp, that that broken tooth, that that gap between your teeth, that pimple on your nose, that mole on your nose, that stye that will forever be in your eye, that slit in your eyebrow, that scar in the center of your forehead, that scar in your head, the fact that you can't grow here in a certain place, the fact that your voice might be low, high, squeaky, that your stomach might be a little bit bigger or too thin. When you learned that all of those things you see about yourself are beautiful, amazing, and they protect you and guide you and support you, and they have a story about the resilient human being you are. When you fall in love with all of those things, the trust for yourself will increase. The trust for yourself will increase. You will be able to fall in love with yourself in a way that allows you to show up.

Nikisha King: 18:38

Is it easy? No, how can it be easy? It is never easy, because life isn't about being easy. Life is about transitioning into the person you were meant to be, and in order for you to do that, you have to accept yourself. You have to be willing to accept everything about you, even the things you got on this journey, because you weren't born with all these scars and these thoughts. But you have established them, or you have created them, or you have gotten them. But remember the story about them.

Nikisha King: 19:16

Now, my mole on my nose. It was small when I was born with it. It's mine, but it's never been an issue because it's been mine for the last 40 something years and I love it. It makes me distinctive. It's the thing that I know. I forget about it, but I can't imagine someone new seeing me and I don't know what goes through their mind, and I usually don't have any thoughts about it and don't really care about what anyone thinks about it. So guess what, when I show up, I can show up as me I love, right here. I get beautiful compliments about it.

Nikisha King: 19:49

But when I did my hair red, I never thought I would get compliments. I didn't know what it would become for me, the reason I cut my hair. That even has a story and people always tell me you have a head for it. I did not cut my hair going, I have a head for it. I've never done that Like. I don't even know what that means. I have no clue what that means. People say it all the time and I go. I don't know what that means. Everyone has a head for it. You just don't know because you've never cut your hair low, right, like. You see men and there are men who have fades you think they go. I don't know if I have a head for this, they just been like it's been a thing for them all their life.

Nikisha King: 20:33

But I want you to know you are beautiful inside and out, first step. And I want you to know that when you're doubting yourself over thinking a decision, those are signs of you not trusting you and it's okay. But my question to you is is it serving you? Does it make you happy when you're overthinking? Does it make you feel really good inside when you doubt yourself and if you have a hint of no it doesn't then all I'm asking you to do is just discover, just look at it a little bit deeper than you normally would and go to that place where you're going.

Nikisha King: 21:14

The reason I'm doubting myself is because I think this person will think this of me, and if you can be mindful about just that, that's a big accomplishment. Being mindful of that will then allow you an action of awareness where you can now have the option to reframe that thought. If I think X will think about this or think about me in this way. Is that really true? Like if I show up to the presentation and I deliver this message and this person didn't like it and this person did like it the person who didn't like it. Why is that important? You didn't like it, but where are you in your journey? Maybe you didn't like it because the information I'm sharing you either know it already or you don't believe it because you don't believe in what you're doing. Sometimes it's really not about you and sometimes it is about you and everyone is going through their journey and you just gotta let them be.

Nikisha King: 22:20

But I ask you are you willing to trust yourself?

Nikisha King: 22:25

Are you willing to doubt yourself? But then ask yourself, why are you doubting you? Are you willing to overthink and question? Why am I overthinking this decision? Am I scared to do it? And if I'm scared, what am I scared of?

Nikisha King: 22:44

These are some really good journal prompt questions. I would love for you to write them down. I would love for you to have them and be able to experience them more. And I'm gonna add those journal prompt questions into the show notes so you can grab them and when you do a journal prompt or a journal entry in your book. It could be in a phone, your book, wherever your heart decides it to be right on the heading why am I scared? Right on top of the question mark, put a five minute timer on and write all the answers that comes to that beautiful mind. I'm scared because X is gonna say this. I'm scared because I'm gonna sweat on stage. I'm scared because I'm gonna mess up. I'm scared I'm gonna all the things that like flood your brain. Write it down and then look at it, observe it, just take it in. It's an exercise that is so freeing.

Nikisha King: 23:41

So, after our chat today, are you willing to learn how to trust you? Are you willing to ask yourself is doubting myself over thinking really serving me and if it's not, would you like to do something different about it? Thank you for joining me on today's podcast. Leading her way. You are more than capable to lead your way and I truly trust you are. I will see you next Tuesday and have a great day.

Nikisha King: 24:21

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Nikisha King: 25:01

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