NK Podcast: Leading H.E.R. Way

Ep 57: Growth Series - The Limitation of Container Communities

• Nikisha King | Certified Life & Business Coach • Season 2 • Episode 57

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Ever wondered if your community is truly fostering your growth or just keeping you comfortable?

In this final episode of the Growth Series, host Nikisha dives deep into the dynamics of container communities. Discover how these social circles can both nurture and hinder your personal and professional development.

Key Takeaways From Today's Episode:

1. Seek Diversity of Thought: Actively seek out diverse perspectives and opinions by engaging with individuals from different backgrounds, industries, and ideologies. Embrace the discomfort that comes with challenging your assumptions—it's a sign of growth.

2. Cultivate a Growth Mindset: Foster a mindset focused on continuous learning and evolution. Prioritize personal and professional development over validation. Open yourself up to new ideas, experiences, and challenges.

3. Create an Inclusive Environment: Build a culture that celebrates diversity and inclusion. Encourage open dialogue and the free exchange of ideas within your community, leveraging the collective wisdom to drive innovation and success.

This episode is impactful in so many ways! In finding value in this episode, please hit the share button and help someone grow in their business journey. Together, we can create inclusive, dynamic communities that foster growth.


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Nikisha King:

Hello, gorgeous Welcome to NK Production Leading Her Way podcast, where we see the human, evolving and resilient spirit in you. I'm your host, Nikisha, and I am so excited for today's final episode of the Growth Series. Today we are talking about breaking boundaries. Talking about breaking boundaries, escaping the limitations of container communities. I wonder, when I say container communities, what comes up for you? This needs to be a workshop. We need to have, like I need to add some form of workshop where you get stimulated by these thoughts and we have a community where we just talk about it a little bit more. So understanding and your questions and ideas and feelings can be a thing. But I wanted to introduce this because container communities are both positive and negative and I'm going to kind of clarify in this episode what is a container community? And just breaking boundaries? Right, like why not break things? Like I always tell my daughters, sometimes break the rules, it's okay, right? I want them to learn how to live outside the boundaries that are given to them not by God but by other humans, which minimizes who they are.

Nikisha King:

So in this episode we are going to explore the concept of container groups and their impact on us personally and professionally. What are the dynamics of container groups or communities, examining whether they're tightly knit groups, truly foster growth or, inadvertently, they stifle your growth, and it can go both ways, and it just depends on who and where you are in your journey. So let's define what this is. So a central concept of container communities. It refers to a group or social circles where individuals share the similar beliefs, ideologies or perspectives. While these communities offer a sense of belonging and validation right, because we usually crave that they can also create echo chambers and they limit exposure to diverse ideas and hinder personal and professional growth, depending where you are in your journey. To clarify communities are one of the best things and the things we all need, because we truly understand you are not able to do this alone. However, finding the community that fosters you to grow Is where the challenge may come or may arise. Sometimes we join communities because we feel validated, like our beliefs are true and they speak that so loudly. However, when you get comfortable and that validation gives you comfort, there is no room to grow because you're not learning something new, and the reason you know You're not no room to grow because you're not learning something new and the reason you know you're not learning something new is because you're not uncomfortable. Right when we are uncomfortable, that's where our growth starts. When we are comfortable, comfort is because we know we are feeling validated. Validation is about you believing what I believe. Therefore, there's no room to grow, there's no discomfort.

Nikisha King:

So I want to go into a little bit more of my experience in communities. I'm in a couple communities and I've always been in communities and they have differed tremendously. Being a business owner, being in the event industry my communities were not tailored to events. I have done B-School with Marie Folio. I have done my coaching certification, so I've been. I am in the coaching world, I do podcasting, so I'm in that community as well. But I've been in the event industry because I've done wedding stationary, wedding invitations for the last 15 years. But when I started out, the communities differ from where I am today. They all differ. All of these container communities differ.

Nikisha King:

When I started out in my journey, I was in a place we may call beginner, but learning right. I always see kids not we may call beginner, but learning right. I always see kids, not young because of their age, but I usually see them young because they're new human beings on this earth, on this planet. They're new to everything going on, the dangers, all of it, the good, the bad, everything. So when I started my business, I joined Facebook communities. This was before Instagram. I started my business, I joined Facebook communities. This was before Instagram. I started 2009. Instagram, I think, came later, I don't know when, but I started earlier. So Facebook was where our communities formed and being in these communities.

Nikisha King:

First you had to find a community that would kind of accept you, or you had to find it, and back when I started, people were very tight-lipped about the communities they were in, because they didn't want you to learn the information they learned because, as a competitor, you can outshine them. So they weren't as open as we are today. And when you did find them, you might've been in awe. I was in awe because I was learning information I didn't have access to before. Where I was, I was in my beginning stage of my business journey. Therefore, these communities of well-known, knowledgeable, amazing human beings did so. They would share font style, they would share processes, they would share InDesign tips. All of this was in that community.

Nikisha King:

As I started to implement the things I learned, I started to grow, and when I started to grow, I started to seek out more things, other communities that touch on luxury events, communities about sales right in our industry. And the more I grew, I outgrew that container. I outgrew that community because now their conversations felt like not that I knew it already. It just didn't have any substance or value to it for me, because everything I've been absorbing and working on has kept developing me. It's like sharpening an iron tool. Like when you keep sharpening a tool, it gets sharper and sharper. It doesn't get dull and the sharper it gets, it can do more with it. It can do more work, it can be useful in so many different ways. Same thing with container communities.

Nikisha King:

So, as time went by, I am a person who loves improvement, not of others, but of self. I am always hungry for knowledge. It's something that part is personality, part is upbringing and as I mature, it is something that drives me and motivates me for the imagination I create the dreams, the visions For me. I don't believe in my visions. I know my visions are true. I know they're happening. At this moment. It's just up to me to make the decisions to make them come to life, in understanding that I am always motivated to grow.

Nikisha King:

So container communities serve, and they serve really well. They serve when you're in a position of openness, learning, craving understanding. They allow you to be seen, they allow you to see others, they allow people sometimes moments and let's be honest, we all have egos to be stroked because when you have members in this community that's knowledgeable and they get to share, and then they're getting that praise because the information they share is helping their community. Their ego is winning points. There is nothing wrong with your ego winning points. Every one of us have ego and we all need our ego because our ego drives us to be better. If we didn't have that, we would never want to satisfy or work with the people we serve in our business and we would really not be motivated. That's how I feel about my ego personally. My ego is here to motivate me to keep doing better because I am filled when my clients go Nakisha, that was amazing. I didn't even know that service exists and you created it for us is here to motivate me to keep doing better because I am filled when my clients go Nikisha, that was amazing. I didn't even know that service exists and you created it for us. And then my ego go yes, how can we do this better? That's what my ego says. Let's keep doing it better and better. So ego is needed.

Nikisha King:

In container communities or in communities, this is the case. We have different levels of people, usually people who are more informative. They serve by educating. I always ask the question when they're giving so much, how are they being replenished? And that, my friend, is where my concern comes in. When we have container communities, you're going to always have in a community someone who pours relentlessly in the people who are hungry and craving that education. And if that person who is pouring is not being developed or pouring into themselves, they will be a point where they get diminished or they get depleted. And when they're depleted, they become a little bit. Their attitude change, they get a little resentful.

Nikisha King:

I keep giving and no one's giving to me, because they're expecting the people who they are nourishing to return the favor. But why would you expect someone who's being fed by you to be able to give you the same thing when they are not there as of yet? Therefore, when you're in a community and you're giving and pouring, the one thing I'm going to ask you to do is not expect the community to give back the same value. You need to find your community to be replenished. In other words, you need to find a community that's larger than you so you can be given this knowledge and nourished, this valuable thing you're craving. Whatever that is, because we all have different needs at different times. In other words, when I am in a community, I show up 100%, I don't hold back, I don't question, I listen, I share and I see it all of the time.

Nikisha King:

I've done it in my Dangerous Mind community with Kristen Sweeney, amazing photographer, who supports her community. I've done it in Debbie Shadeed's community. It's a coaching community for women to help them build their brand and business, and I love everything about it. I've done it with a group called E3, educate, empower, and I forgot the last one, encourage. I might be wrong, but in that community I always engage and I would always give them the props for helping me shift my mindset in the way of scarcity to abundant. They started me. They started or created an environment where we work with luxury clients, but it helped me see the abundance in a world I didn't know existed.

Nikisha King:

And I remember another community. I don't want to say their name because they asked me not to ever mention their name and that was something so minor. I'm taking it a little bit extra so I don't give them credit anymore. But that was a sales community and every time they had a call I showed up. And when I showed up I was always happy to share. But I was always happy to support someone's mindset about where they are in their business.

Nikisha King:

Here's the thing I loved showing up, because one it is who I am. I will always give because I have the capacity, the abundance, to give. There were moments I didn't and I didn't show up. When I started my company, I didn't have abundance, I was scarce. Therefore I didn't have anything to give. I wasn't showing up because I was hungry for the knowledge, but as I started to develop in different communities of diversity, I was happy to sit at that table and share whatever meal I learned on my journey. This is what the benefit of communities are If the people in it are willing to diversify their information and knowledge. That is the benefit of a container community.

Nikisha King:

When you have people in it that has walked different communities, different lives, different experiences, they come together and they're an asset to one another. They can hear something, not that they experienced it, they might've experienced it. You have to be careful with that. People's experiences don't mean it will be your experience. So sometimes I don't want someone who experienced something to warn me from their experience. I don't want that because we are different in so many ways. But if they can hear me and ask me questions to prompt me on my journey of what I want to do, that's different. That's why I'm a coach and that's why I love coaching. We don't tell you what to do based on our experience. We ask you questions to help you discover what you want to do in your experience.

Nikisha King:

Sometimes in communities, they lose that essence. They become so much of the authoritative that they forget to ask you questions rather than to tell you what you should and shouldn't do, because of what they experience. That is where the differ lies and I want you to understand that. So I'm going to let you know being in a container community is positive when one you have individuals who are diverse, who are willing to ask questions, who are willing to share openly, without any feeling of judgment and holding back or competitive behavior. These communities are so good. They can help you transition. So if you're in a group right now and you're loving it because your soul is being nourished, stay, enjoy. There might be a day where you outgrow it, but that's normal and it's okay. There might be a day you outgrow it, but now you give abundantly. How amazing is that there's always a place, but as you give abundantly, you need to be nourished continuously. Therefore, you have to keep developing yourself in order to grow.

Nikisha King:

Now, in regards to being in a community where we have a downside, some of the drawbacks is that if they're full of individuals who lack the growth mindset, if they're full of individuals, this community that you may be in that every time they're opposed to trying something new, where they're struggling to see the possibility. I will ask you to check that out, to look into that. There are some communities where there's not diversity. There's either one race, there's either one ideology, and when that happens, I don't understand how you can ever see growth. Because if we're all practicing the same ideology of whatever it is belief, systems, race, the way we see something that environment isn't really about growth. That environment is about ego feeding. We all feel the same way. We all want to be validated and you can validate me because you believe what I believe. Therefore, no one's going to challenge me. Therefore, I feel good about myself. I feel right. The world is wrong. Only us in this little group are right and we have to help everyone else see how right we are. That right there, my friends, is all ego. And if you have all of that and that's ego, that's a different community. That's not a growth mindset community.

Nikisha King:

However, if you're in a community where, yes, there's one race, one ideology, but it's open speakers from different walks of life, speakers outside of the industry, that group is always being fed by different people and sponsors. And people are in that group who are in something different or just diverse in some other way, and they're not here to validate, but they're here to learn from you and share with you, not validate because they don't think the same way like you, because they have a different experience. Right, they live a different lifestyle. That, my friend, is a benefit. I don't mind ever being in container communities. I sign up to some.

Nikisha King:

I'm a woman of color. There are a lot of communities where there's women, but we all have different businesses, backgrounds. I'm in groups where people come from coaching, event industry, medicine, legal right. So we all have different experiences. So when we speak, we hear things differently and we get to question and ask things. Right, I'm in a group where there's people of color, right, but we have so many sponsors from people who are not of color, people who are a part of our community in a way. They add, they are an ally to us, they sponsor things we do, they come in, give workshops, help us think differently.

Nikisha King:

That, my friend, is the benefit of a community when it's diverse, and I wanted to share this because if you find yourself in a community that you don't feel like you should be there anymore because you're not growing, it's that time to find another place to help you keep on this moving forward momentum. If you find your place in a community that everyone just go, you're right, you're right, you're right. That's another thing I'm going to ask you to question, because at that moment it's ego being stroked and not uncomfortable or discomfort of growth, like learning, absorbing. As human beings, we thrive on growth. There is not one person who is the same person as they were last week. I promise you several different things happen, that this week you are a different human being than last week. You know something that is going to help you on your journey that you didn't know last week. It is our nature, it is our gift. It is our purpose to grow. So communities are amazing. They are the thing that fosters us and I love them so, so much.

Nikisha King:

But when it comes to just stroking egos because everyone's right and no one is, it's not even about right or wrong, it's just yeah. Yeah, I get that too, I believe that too, and everyone's just stroking at that level, that's different. But if I'm speaking and someone goes, did you ever think about this? And you're like no, well, what are your thoughts about that? Well, that might work. That, right there, my friend, is the group you want to be in. That, right there, my friend, is where you want to be. That's where they can help you elevate your mind, growth, set your being, your energy.

Nikisha King:

Sometimes there's groups that I'm in and people are so in this valley we call a valley like a ebb, a deep side, and it's really hard for them. And let me tell you how much energy they have. It's so heavy that they can shift a room with like a group of 10 people where we all get, and I usually shut down in those groups, I usually get quiet because I don't want to engage, because that person is not available to be engaged. They're in a place and the right person for them in that group does come out and help them. However, there are moments where everyone is like buzzing and they're not high but they're buzzing and we get off that energy and we're like helping or we're learning or we do that something and the leader of that community can create that. I've had Debbie. She does workshops. She creates really good energy, right. There's other groups that I've been in and they would create that negative energy because they're down, they don't manage your energy. Before they come to our meetings or things like that.

Nikisha King:

And remember, no matter what community you're in, there's still human beings leading it, guiding it, being in it. Human beings are flawed. We are, we have emotions, we have thoughts and if you don't, half of us don't even know how to manage thoughts. I've learned how to even be mindful when I'm having the thought, and I have over 40. Everyone has over 40,000 thoughts a day. Sometimes I grab one and I just go with it, like take it down the ride when I'm not in a present state and I just go. How did I even start with this thought? We all do it. But I want you to be mindful. Communities are not about perfection. It's about when you go? What's the intention? What are you going for? What do you want to learn from this community? Go with intention. So with that, I'm going to say that.

Nikisha King:

So, for this episode, the three action steps I would like you to consider is one seek diversity of thought. That is one of the action plans in this episode. I want you to break out of the confines of container community by actively seeking out diverse perspectives and opinions. Engage with individuals that are different backgrounds, different industries, different ideologies. Open up your mind, challenge your assumptions and embrace the discomfort. That is a sign that you are growing. When you are uncomfortable, when you are shaky, when you are doubting and questioning, oh man, you are about to get a big gift of growth. Keep that in mind.

Nikisha King:

Second plan of action cultivate a growth mindset. Second plan of action cultivate a growth mindset. You know I've spoken about this in so many episodes. Growth mindset is everything. Foster a mindset that continuously learning and evolving right Remember E in her is evolving Instead of seeking validation, instead of seeking you're right. I don't usually like that. I am done with the you're right. I don't want to be right, but I want you to prioritize your personal and professional development. I want you to consider yourself someone who's open to growth. Therefore, you expose yourself to that new ideas, new experiences and new challenges.

Nikisha King:

And your third action plan create an inclusive environment, even if you're a community leader. What is an inclusive environment? Build a culture within your business community that celebrates diversity and inclusion. Encourage open dialogue right Free exchange of ideas. The ideas will be aligned with the value and mission of that community and if you don't have that for your community, you should definitely create it.

Nikisha King:

Embrace collaboration right and collective problem solving. It will be nice in your community. If you have, like we have a. Let's get a scenario problem. Put it out there and hear how everyone would respond to this problem. That right, there is gold. So if you have a community, implement that. Come up with problem scenario workshops where you put one problem out and ask everyone how would you manage this? What would you do? You can either present it to them the week prior or have them on the dime, like right there on the snap of a finger, figure it out and see what they would do and how they think. That's a good one for people to even have recordings of, to see all the ideas and how they saw it, and it's okay. There's no right or wrong. This is just where we are right.

Nikisha King:

So definitely create inclusive environment, leveraging the collective wisdom of all of your members, the diverse perspectives, the drive, innovation and the success they bring to the table. I believe communities are one of our best gifts. When it's a community that is diverse of a growth mindset and seek diversity through thought, they're very innovative on helping their members think differently. And then there's just some communities who are not the best. They're in survival mode. So for you you're a dollar sign rather than a valuable sign. I've been in those where everything for them felt like a sale, a commission money. It's driven by that because they're there. How can I say survival is more important than your growth? And those communities are in existence and the people in it make it great.

Nikisha King:

Sometimes the leaders are not the best, so you always have to be mindful about that, because you stay, because the members are amazing. But when you do that, be willing and understand that you're not going to receive a lot in and you might I'm not saying that's true, you might, but you might outgrow it that's when you might decide it's time to keep moving forward and it's okay because you still can be there. If it's a lifetime community, you can still be there. If there is a yearly enrollment, you might opt to be out and you might feel like FOMO is coming on, but I promise you there's something better waiting for you. There always is. That's a whole, nother episode. Always something better waiting for you. So I am so happy you're joining me for the last episode for the growth series, but we always speak about growth here.

Nikisha King:

I'm going to present with you the next series. It's going to be the identity series. Who are you Like really? Who are you? And identity does not mean labels. Identity is a deep down person, who you are, how you show up, how you engage, right. I am so excited for these series. I'm excited for always providing such information because, no matter if you joined me today or you join me 10 years from now, this is the gift that I'm always going to be giving the abundant mindset, the growth mindset, the perspective shifting mindset. Be open and you'll receive so much value from these episodes. Thank you so much for joining me today and I cannot wait till we start our next episode with the Identity Series. Have an amazing day and thank you, as always. One practically for free.

Nikisha King:

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