NK Podcast: Leading H.E.R. Way

Ep 58: Identity Series - Unveiling Your Everlasting Self Beyond Social Labels

• Nikisha King | Certified Life & Business Coach • Season 2 • Episode 58

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Who are you when you strip away the labels society has given you?

In this eye-opening episode of the "Leading Her Way" podcast, I embark on a journey of self-discovery, challenging the conventional notions of identity. Discover how to align with your true self and embrace your everlasting qualities beyond temporary roles and titles.

Three Key Takeaways From This Episode:

1. Reflect on Your Core Values: Take time to think about your authentic self. Consider your values like kindness, curiosity, and compassion. Identify the enduring qualities that serve as the foundation of your true identity and guide your actions and decisions.

2. Reframe Your Narrative: Challenge the notion that your identity is solely defined by external labels or roles. Consider how your internal being, rather than temporary titles, can shape a more authentic and fulfilling sense of self.

3. Choose Empowering Labels: Select labels that lift you up and support your journey. Embrace qualities that inspire and empower you, and learn to adapt to these new, enduring labels.

Tune in now to embark on a transformative journey of self-discovery and redefine your identity with everlasting qualities!

If this episode resonated with you, don't keep it to yourself! Share it with your colleagues, friends, and family to ensure they are supported in their personal and business journeys. Let's all discover and embrace our true identities together!


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Nikisha King:

Hello, gorgeous Welcome to NK Production Leading Her Way, where we see the human, evolving and resilient spirit in you. I am your host, Nikisha King, and I am excited for the Identity Series. This series is so meaningful impactful to me because without understanding who I am, without certain labels, I couldn't show up in my everyday life and I couldn't be a force or impactful to the people I meet. So today I'm going to challenge you on your conventional notions of your identity in a way that will make you feel uncomfortable of your identity, in a way that will make you feel uncomfortable, possibly triggering I don't believe I do, but I will let you know if there is a moment I might trigger someone listening to this due to the fact of a past experience you might have had. So when I get to that space, I'll let you know. You can fast forward 10 seconds and we should be fine, because it's going to be a very small little statement. I'm going to explore the transformative power of embracing timeless qualities that define who we are, but we are talking about the concept of identity and how our attachment to temporary labels can hinder our personal growth and our fulfillment in our journey. In this episode today, we are embarking on a journey of self-discovery. I love self-discovery. It's one of the works I've done that brought me so far in this journey, and there were moments when I never had self-discovery because I never took time to understand who self was. So I want you to be able to join me, because we're going to shed some layers of what society expects from us and embrace a more authentic and enduring sense of self. So the first thing I like to do in my episodes is define the topic or the word identity I'm defining in this episode, so we can always be on the same page. So identity is? It encompasses the unique combination of our traits, our values, our beliefs and experiences that define who we are as individuals. While temporary labels such as your job titles or familiar roles may offer a sense of identity, the true fulfillment and authenticity stem from aligning with your enduring abilities. That is way, way, way beyond your external circumstances. Now, this may sound like a whole bunch of words, but you know I'm going to always break it down for you.

Nikisha King:

So me? Let's start with me, of course, because I'm the person speaking. I am a mom, a daughter, a sister, a wife, a business founder, entrepreneur. In my business, I am the chief visionary officer CVO. I am the bookkeeper, I am the marketing director, the creative director, the human resource director and, as you can see, there are a lot of labels that lie upon my shoulder. When you see me in the world, you see me and you attach one of those labels to me based on how you see me. You either hear my podcast or you think I'm a podcaster. You are on my personal Facebook. You think I am running a multi-figure brand company as an entrepreneur. You see me speaking. You see me as a speaker, an educator, and that is fine, but that is not who I am, and that is fine, but that is not who I am. Those are labels that you may define me as, but they are not who you meet when you take the opportunity to speak to me and get to know me. Those labels are produced from who I am, and who I am is a joy creator. Who I am is impactful. I am a spiritual being loving my human experience. I am a creator and I am capable of so many things. I am curious Now. I don't know if you can tell the difference with the words that represent my I am. Based on what I told you, you might define me as being and, if you're able to catch the words, that is what we're talking about today on this episode. My identity once again is more than what the external circumstances are. Once again is more than what the external circumstances are, external circumstances meaning the labels I had before mom, daughter, sister.

Nikisha King:

I'm going to say something that might be triggering to any parents or any moms in the world. So you are welcome to listen. It's not too bad, but in my opinion, I want to make sure you're okay or you can skip forward. Say, for instance, that one or two of the children I beard and brought into the world are no longer with me. I did have this kid, I was once a mom, but when they leave, if they leave before me, that title might no longer be mine because I don't have living children. Now let me make sure you don't get me wrong. I will always be a mom that label because I've beard children but if I don't have someone actively calling me that, that label might disappear or that label no longer serves me. I wanted to be clear because that is triggering. If someone lost a kid, they are very much tied to that identity and that is your right Understand. I'm not taking that from you. I'm sharing with you another point of view, but you will always be a mom.

Nikisha King:

Here's the other thing. I am a spouse, I am a partner, but if me and my partner separate, I am no longer that person's spouse. I'm not married, I'm not longer with that partner, right? So I may not have a partner. Therefore, I might be single. So I take on a new label.

Nikisha King:

These labels can switch up and if you can't keep these labels, they're really not your identity. Because they can change so swiftly, in the blink of an eye, these labels are no longer yours. Therefore, they're not who you are. You can be an entrepreneur, a business owner, and tomorrow you can go back to teaching and becoming a teacher or some other label. When labels can swiftly change, they are not your identity. Did you hear me? And if you didn't, I'm going to say this one more time so everyone in the back can hear me your labels that you currently have, if they can change swiftly, they are not your identity. That is it, and I want you to understand this, because in the identity series we're going to talk about how your identity being tied to your business affects you. Not having a clear identity affects your personal and business life. Listen, this is just the base and I need to build a base with you so you can understand your identity is more than an external label and how people perceive you.

Nikisha King:

So in the past, I used and understood my label as mother business owner. Those were my identity. Therefore, if something happened in my business, I was affected by it because, as an entrepreneur, a business owner, how can I be so dumb, how can I make this mistake? How can I? It was so tied to everything that I did that if I had a good day, that mean my personal life was good because, remember, this is my identity. So a good sales day made me feel good. A bad sales day made me feel bad, and everything would then be affected within me. And this is something that majority of us experience you, me, I still can experience it. Remember, I still have these labels. They don't disappear. I just know how to manage them better. I don't hope you think I can make things disappear for you, but I can help you to see it and I can help you to manage it and coach yourself on it.

Nikisha King:

So, in regards to my identity, in the past, when I connected to these external labels. My ebb and flow of emotions and feelings would be what these outside labels will determine for me, and I realized there are so many people within my world who are entrepreneurs in the creative world. We usually take those labels that we hold dear to our heart and we go for a rollercoaster ride, and this ride takes us through the deep valleys, the high hills. Okay, and I wanted to share with you that you don't have to do this and we're going to learn how to re-identify ourselves in not even labels, but I would say labels, but labels who are more us, labels that are not temporary, labels that are not changing rapidly, labels that we will die with because it is who we are. So I might call them everlasting labels, labels that are eternal to who you are, and these labels were given to you by birth. You just sometimes may forget or not even realize it, and today you are going to realize it on this episode.

Nikisha King:

So I am once again a joy creator, I am courageous and capable, I am impactful, spiritual being, and the reason these everlasting labels serve me is when I show up in a room, no matter what has happened in my day, my life, being a joy creator, the way I smile, the way I embrace someone, the way I am intrigued and curious. When I am engaged, when I am present, the person I'm speaking to has such a feeling of joy that their smile and everything about them lights up that room and I'm creating. I am joy creator. Curious, impactful and being that my friends is what I am and that normally isn't affected by my day-to-day, because my day-to-day in my business and my personal life can never deplete my identity of being a joy creator, because my curiosity of others allows me to be present, engaging, and when I'm doing that, the person who is receiving that gift I promise you will always light up, because sometimes they're not always seen. So imagine being seen in a moment where you're sharing something important. How amazing is that? And that's what I've learned about my identity.

Nikisha King:

I went to a leadership Women in Leadership by SHRM Media last year of November and I had taken one of our breakout rooms with Dr Kirkland and Dr Kirkland had did an exercise about identity. She was the one who explained to me my familiar status or labels and job labels is not who I am, and we did an exercise there that allowed me to understand who I truly am, and it was the pivotal moment where things changed for me and how I I'm always speaking to people. Last year was my year to engage and just be present, but it helped me understand that I am more than a label, a temporary label at that, and I thought to myself how can I help my community understand that this temporary label that they're carrying around isn't serving them, Because once it, in a snap of a finger, shifts, that is it. You are no longer that label and now your identity is lost. But if you can find your everlasting label and usually when you do, it brings so much joy into your life that the days that you believe are not your best days won't feel like your best days, because you'll find gratitude and appreciation in the little things that literally sparks you on fire, and that is what I've learned as a business owner 90% of the times.

Nikisha King:

My business drives a lot of things that's happening in my life, but as a business owner, I never wanted to be just easy. I am a giver. That is one of my identities. Therefore, I build a product for a market that I can give to. There's a demand for it. But I'm also the type of business owner who desires to have team members so I can give back to them professional development, personal development. Financial so they can live out their dreams, all of the things to help them grow in their personal development. Financial so they can live out their dreams. All of the things to help them grow in their personal development identity. All the good things being a business owner who desires that. There is no way I can play what people may call small, but in reality I just don't have that ability because having team members is not something I fear. Right, one of my beautiful everlasting labels is fearless. I got rid of fear. No longer do I need to fear anything because it's not true fear. I speak about this in my prior episodes, the growth series. I speak about it. You are welcome to check that episode out and I might put it in my show notes. But I wanted to very much explain.

Nikisha King:

Like identities, you have two types short and everlasting. My question to you is which one are you wearing right now, the short one or the everlasting? And if you're wearing the short one, I'm hoping that in this episode you recognize you're wearing a short label and then you kind of do the work. Yes, the work, the deep work that allows you to understand who you truly are, your I am. Statement your affirmations of who you are. Statement your affirmations of who you are. Don't let the world, aka society, dictate your identity. That's a big, big mistake, because if you keep letting them dictate who you are, you will never be able to find yourself or fall in love with yourself. But once you know your everlasting label, the love you will have for you will be everlasting, and that is the joy in it. So let's talk about some actions that we can put in place to discover your I am One. Reflect on your core values. Who are you? Take time to think about how you resonate with your authentic self. Consider your values of kindness, curiosity, compassion, right, how you engage, the things that you know are deep within you, the enduring qualities that will always serve the foundation of your true identity and can guide your actions and decisions in all aspects of your life.

Nikisha King:

Let me explain. There are days I have sales calls, aka consultation calls, and the person I'm speaking to is not a client that will move forward and they may never respond with an email, they will never respond to a proposal, and there were days when that would make me feel really, really sad, because I would feel like I failed as a business owner. I didn't make any money, so I failed. My household I filled, because I wasn't able to serve someone, because maybe I didn't say the right things to connect with them and understand. When I felt that way, I would do everything in my power to be better and improve, which I love, and I'm not telling you not to. But I would then go into this very deep. I'm not using the word depression because that's not what I do and when I say that there are people who really have depressive, like depression and it's serious and I won't use that word loosely because that's for me not a word that I can even understand because what they go through is really a chemical shift in their being but when I'm down because I didn't make a sale, I'm just down.

Nikisha King:

So my identity as a business owner is attached to that sale and it might be attached to that sale because I needed that money to pay a bill. I needed that money to pay a team member who's depending on me. I needed that money to add to my household to help my kids as special or extracurricular activities. Do you understand that? Still not making it was attached to something else I wanted right, and that thing I wanted was a different identity a parent, a partner, a spouse team like having a team, so a business owner with employees and that will then put me in a state of feeling down and out. And when I was down and out, it's not a one day, one minute situation, it could be a week. Therefore, when my family engaged with me I'm not even engaging because I don't want to be present. I can't be present because I'm stuck on what I could have did better in that time and moment.

Nikisha King:

But when I decided to give up those temporary labels and I decided to find and do the work to reflect on my core values and who I truly am work to reflect on my core values and who I truly am, when someone says no to me and there isn't a sale, I get excited because I know that that relationship, one, could have not been the best. Two, I wasn't a fit for them. They weren't a fit for us, meaning if they chose to work with us. There is a possibility that we would have not been a fit, but not even that. I'm going to reverse that, because if they chose to work for us, they could be for us, but when they said no and they did not connect with us, we did not connect with them. It was meant to be. We were not a fit for them, we couldn't serve them.

Nikisha King:

Where they are, there's right now a potential client and more or less they're not going to go with us and they're all right. They're not a fit for us, they're a DIY. So when they see our numbers, they go right back to I can do it myself because that's what they identify. As I'm crafty, I can do this myself. And to see someone in that turmoil, I don't look at them and go man, I just go. They're not our fit, they're not an NK Design House client and I'm okay with that. I'm excited because I get to leave room for the client who is made for me. Can you imagine? And yes, I have another client on the roster who a potential lead, and I have another lead that came in and if I took that job on, there's a possibility that the time I wouldn't have to serve my actual clients right If I had taken this DIYer and sell them to the point where I convinced them. Taken this DIYer and sell them to the point where I convince them, because being a good salesperson at times can be being an influencer, convincing people. When I convince people and they say yes, they're going to have buyer's remorse. I don't want to convince you, I want you to opt in. You opting in means you really want this and that, my dear, is one of the most amazing clients. But I understand this now because my identity as joy creator, capable, curious, engaging my clients get that benefit when they choose to work with NK Design House.

Nikisha King:

So, number one action figure out or reflect on your core values. Think about who you are. Are you kind? Some people are not kind. Some people are straight up going to tell you how it is and sometimes that hurts. So they're not kind, but they're honest. See that Compassionate, empathetic, engaging. Some people have amazing charisma. They can make you smile and feel so good, charismatic. There are words that serves you that are everlasting labels.

Nikisha King:

Second action reframe from your narrative. Challenge the notion that your identity is defined solely by you and your internal being, not your external labels or roles. I want you to consider this, and one of the hard ones is being a mom. If anything shifts there and it won't and if it has for you, yes, you still have that title. That title is yours to wear forever, but it might not be used at that moment in time. I am a daughter, but there's going to be a day where I'm still a daughter but I no longer have a mom and dad to call upon. And please understand, that is life, but I no longer would carry that. That role might even to this day. I don't really put that on. I don't tell anyone when I walk up to them hi, I'm a daughter, my name is Nikisha, I've passed that stage right, and my kids might. They'd be like, they might say I'm the daughter of Nikisha if someone knows them and maybe acts in them something like that.

Nikisha King:

But here's the thing it's okay to release some identities that no longer serves you. So I want you just to reframe from the narrative, think differently, be open, and I am not taking anything from you, but I'm giving something to you, I'm adding value by showing you another point of view. So challenge your notion of external labels and see if you have your own everlasting labels. And third, choose empowering labels. Choose labels that lifts you up and supports you on the walk that you're having in your journey. Don't choose labels that will hold you down or let you or drag you in a valley, in a ditch. You are amazing and I want you to find all of your amazingness and be able to put a label on it that lifts your spirit, lifts your intentions and, in regards to that, learn how to adapt to these new labels when I had to do.

Nikisha King:

I'm a spiritual being living a human experience. Right, that is mine and I'm publicly saying that. That is what I believe, that is what I know, but I know that through the evidence that I've encountered and one day you will all know the evidence of that, because I will always tell my stories because they're amazing, but that's what I understand I can see how my spiritual being shows up in every room when I'm speaking to one person or a group of seven or a group of 50 or a group of 100 or millions. Right, I know what's happening and my human experience disappears when my spiritual being is on fire. I know the signs and I am no longer experiencing human experience. My human ability steps to the side and my spiritual being does what it's here to do my purpose.

Nikisha King:

I am kind, I am a joy creator. I create joy, I create smiles, I create laughter, I create beauty in the eyes of people because they are beautiful. My curiosity the way I hug. I am a hugger and I learned how to hug from my friend, serena, when I was such a young lady, like 13, 14. I would give her a hug and it was so loose and she would go what is that? And I would go hug and she's like no, and she would give me this beautiful, tight hug and that day she taught me how to be a hugger. So I am a phenomenal hugger. I love hugging people because the energy I give is due to the joy that I have in me. I'm not happy, I'm not sad. Those are temporary feelings that I just don't. They can fluctuate based on my external or my thoughts. Right, based on my thoughts. They can fluctuate, but joy. I am. That in my gut.

Nikisha King:

So choose empowering labels to help you on your journey. I hope today's podcast episode was so riveting to you. I hope today's episode made you have so many golden aha moments. I hope this episode allowed something to click within. I hope you do one thing If you can't do anything else, if you just don't. You know the actions are actions, but the one thing I want you to do is just write maybe five labels, everlasting labels. That speaks to your soul. So I'm going to ask you to take 10 minutes, put a 10 minute timer on your phone or watch. Write a list of all of the words that you feel like speaks to your soul, about your I am, and you are welcome to choose five or 10 of them and then start using them. Use them everywhere Description of you on your about page to your friends, your family. Start learning how to accept your new, everlasting role. Wrote Thank you for joining me on Leading Her Way podcast today.

Nikisha King:

And if this was impactful, I'm going to say something. Don't share it with anyone. Keep it to yourself. Thank you so much and have an amazing day.

Nikisha King:

Hey, before you go, I got a golden opportunity for you. Yes, you. It's a chance as to get to pass up, a chance to work with me one-on-one, practically for free. Imagine waving a magic wand and saying goodbye to feeling completely overwhelmed, anxious and all those feelings that keep you stuck from selling your services. You know that feeling where you can't make decisions. You're on the hamster wheel. I know I was there, but what if I told you I can help you get rid of that feeling forever? Not only five minutes, 10 minutes, but forever. Yes, to the point where working on your newsletter website creating content feels like a breeze.

Nikisha King:

This week, I only have four exclusive spots for a one-to-one opportunity with me. It's not a webinar, it's not a workshop. This week, I only have four exclusive spots for a one-to-one opportunity with me. It's not a webinar, it's not a workshop. It's only you and me for 60 minutes where I'll teach you my aha method to get rid of that overwhelmed feeling forever. Listen, don't walk, but run over to focusnakishakingcom it's in the show notes and grab one of my limited spots. It's limited and so many people keep asking for it, so it's going to be gone in a second. And remember, don't tell anyone about this great opportunity. It's just between you and me.

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